Into the river,
Compelled where it wandered,
I gasped only to catch
The need to gasp.
A moment to think - back
To the plummet, while
Every sense battled.
Screaming. Run.
Cold ripped into me.
Pain cut at my ankles.
Wet suffocation, a
Black abyss.
Regret. Panic.
Forget. Sadness.
What was I thinking then?
There is nothing worth this
Fall into all of the
Wild, good, night.
Swim to the right again -
Hit something under me -
Slide over slimy scales:
Swimming life
The size of the creature,
So calm in demeanor,
The depth of the river
Cannot match.
Dying living
Fishy Monster
Right. Left. down.
I cannot give into this,
Mindless instinct kicks.
Fuck what I’m dying for.
I choose life.
Right to the homeless place?
Right to the family?
Right to the miserable
Loneliness?
Left to the home I chose?
Left to the cops and courts?
Left to the battlefield?
One soldier.
Maybe staying.
Maybe dying.
Leg ripped open.
Left to Sobriety.
Left from the cavity.
Left from the creature of
Thrashing life.
Memories of the one who jumped
Die with the reasons why.
Life was the price I paid.
Life I choose!
I am the creature now;
Kick while a flap of skin
Screams from my leg to stop.
I won’t die.
Under water.
Breath of water.
Deeper. Faster. Colder.
I die facing shore.
I drown fighting.
I fade, knowing I chose life.
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