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Conference Recap Part 5: You Don't Love Your Family by Rusty Old Nailson

My beloved Party Members. My dear-little-puddin’-pop and I rejoice in being with you on this Magical-Don’t-Do-Stuff-Day Morning. A lot of very important new stuff has happened since the last time we spoke to you for 18 hours in one weekend.  (Starts at 2:57:58)

For example: temple, temple, and big-woppin’-deal temple. Also, I challenged our baby princess sweety pies to read a very long, boring, and racist book. Plus, we have started to begin the lifelong obligation for our young men and darling angels to provide free labor to The Party at age 11 instead of 12.  Oh, hey! Look at how indoctrinated this Party Youth is who spent one Sunday reading some nonsense we gave him! Now, I am about to say some very hurtful things, so here is a personal anecdote in which I treated my adult daughter like a 5-year-old. Try to be mad at me now! As you all know, death doesn’t matter and grief is an act of faithlessness, as long as our departed loved ones were loyal to The Party. This is why those who should…
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Conference Recap Part 4: From Now On It's Us and Them (Hymn 258)

Our Great Leader, who is Jesus,      Not Elohim, but Yahweh, Please don’t kill, don’t maim, or cleave us,      We’re with you and not with “they”
     Here’s the chorus of this war song           Here is where we pledge to fight      With our president who’ll speak next           Against all he says aren’t right

Why are hymns so bathed in bloodshed;      Why the battle metaphors Why not sing of beauty instead      Why do You hate peace not wars?
     Here’s the battle chorus once more           Belief is a flag we fly      Those young men who knock on your door           Preach with Vader, “Join or die!”

(Starts at 2:53:17)

Every Conference you remind us      That our loved ones are at risk No more gentle and meek Jesus      Let us fight those who resist.
     For the third time let’s repeat it,           The words of this battle hymn      Never forget true believers           From now on it’s “us and them”

When we die and lose our loved ones      Because they were gay and stuff When …

Conference Recap Part 3: Introduction by Dallin Actual Goblin Oaks

I’m an older, grumpier, more monotone version of that last guy. 

(Starts at 2:52:24)

I’m here to speak for all of us when we say how grateful we are for Elder Gaslighter’s message and metaphor. 
The Choir will now favor us with “From now on it’s Us and Them.” 
The concluding speaker for this session will be Our Beloved Big Boss Guy President Rusty Old Nailson.

Following His remarks, a sweet little kind cutie-pie, sister Genie B. Binggey, President of the Little-Girls-Benefit-from-My-Power-Also Society, will say stuff to Great Leader for us. It seems reasonable to expect that He will say stuff back, but I’m thinking He probably won’t. After that you may all proselyte on social media for 2 hours.

Part 1: Part 2: Part 3:…

Conference Recap Part 2: The Infinite Technicality by Chad R. Gaslighter

Today, comrades, I would like to speak to you concerning Our Leader and His Infinite Technicality.

(Starts at 2:40:49)

At this time of year, we remember the degree to which The Party insists that your appreciation for this Technicality dominate your families, lives, income, and spare time.
What, then, is the Infinite Technicality? It is a series of tortures, which culminated in the murder of The Son of Our Leader. The Son underwent The Technicality in order to convince Our Leader not to kill and torture us all. Praise be to the mercy of The Leader and His Son.
Guilty of death and torture as each one of you are, how can we call it just for The Leader to torture and kill his son and not all of you? (yet) Perhaps an analogy may help you to appreciate this good news:
“Suppose you were walking by my house one day. You had been walking by for a long time, and I came out on my porch and said ‘Hey, stop! I’ve got some good news! Good news for you people. Stop! Stop! You don’t have to go dow…

Conference Recap Part 1: My Testimony of the Sunday Morning Session

I would be most ungrateful if I didn't share my testimony with you of the truthfulness of the last bit of the Sunday Morning session of General Conference. I was edified and encouraged beyond words and I want you all to feel as I felt. In my next 4 posts I will be sharing with you the exact words, with no alteration whatsoever, of the revealed word of God as I received it yesterday. Enjoy.

Part 1: Part 2: Part 3: Part 4: Part 5:

Gillette Reaction Series

In my last post I promised to publish a series of response essays to an article on The Daily Wire that reacted to the Gillette short film. I want to let you know that this project will be delayed. Today and yesterday I have been watching Dan Vogel's interview series on Mormon Stories and that has changed my immediate interest to researching Joseph Smith's methods in producing The Book of Mormon. So that will be the focus of this blog for a bit.

Men React to a Gillette Ad with Not So Quiet Desperation

Men React to a Gillette Ad with Not So Quiet Desperation
While cultures are far from unanimous about the characteristics – and number – of sexes and genders, there is a surprising level of correlation across societies about the precarious nature of manhood. Ethnographers from diverse backgrounds have surveyed thousands of cultures, and in most, we have found the cultural phenomenon of the “test of manhood." (Nanda and Warms 2011, 225) It is a near-universal struggle for anyone who is claiming manhood in any society, to justify that claim.
While the academy hotly disputes the anthropological reasons for this around the globe, I think the origins in western culture have a great deal to do with power politics. Men inherit an unearned privilege of power in our culture, which means that by claiming manhood, a person is justifiably subject to some scrutiny as to their worthiness of the claim. As philosopher Hannah Arendt notices, “Power is never the  property of an individual; it belo…